Unuselessness

From today's New York Times:

TOKYO, Oct. 19 — On a narrow Tokyo street, near a beef bowl restaurant and a pachinko parlor, Aya Tsukioka demonstrated new clothing designs that she hopes will ease Japan’s growing fears of crime.

Deftly, Ms. Tsukioka, a 29-year-old experimental fashion designer, lifted a flap on her skirt to reveal a large sheet of cloth printed in bright red with a soft drink logo partly visible. By holding the sheet open and stepping to the side of the road, she showed how a woman walking alone could elude pursuers — by disguising herself as a vending machine.

The wearer hides behind the sheet, printed with an actual-size photo of a vending machine. Ms. Tsukioka’s clothing is still in development, but she already has several versions, including one that unfolds from a kimono and a deluxe model with four sides for more complete camouflaging.

These elaborate defenses are coming at a time when crime rates are actually declining in Japan. But the Japanese, sensitive to the slightest signs of social fraying, say they feel growing anxiety about safety, fanned by sensationalist news media. Instead of pepper spray, though, they are devising a variety of novel solutions, some high-tech, others quirky, but all reflecting a peculiarly Japanese sensibility.

Take the “manhole bag,” a purse that can hide valuables by unfolding to look like a sewer cover. Lay it on the street with your wallet inside, and unwitting thieves are supposed to walk right by. There is also a line of knife-proof high school uniforms made with the same material as Kevlar, and a book with tips on how to dress even the nerdiest children like “pseudohoodlums” to fend off schoolyard bullies.

Ha ha, Japan, what are you doing you are so crazy I love you!



Chindogu, Japanese for 'queer tool,' are the inventions of the unuseless, uh, the perfectly absurd. It's kind of hard to explain, but really easy to get. Like how Kanji Kawakami, father of the term, describes it:

Kenji Kawakami assumes a serious expression as he brandishes an over-sized fork with an onboard motor. Carefully lulling over his words, he decides that English won't cut it and speaks in his native tongue.

Kito, my friend and interpreter, translates. "Japanese like to make everything in their lives as easy as possible..."

"Anything, everything," Kawakami excitedly interjects in halted Americanese. "So, for example," he twists the fork manually, spinning an imaginary plate of unresponsive noodles with a look of mock pain behind his Ambervision sunglasses, "this is a fault of ordinary fork. And so I got new idea." He presses the button on the handle, and the implement starts twirling and clacking like a weed-whacker.

"The first fault I got rid of, but I got another new, more bigger problem." He holds the vile silverware up to his face and pantomimes getting splashed with sauce.

"Everything, every Chindogu like this," he chortles.

Not yet satisfied? Here are the ten tenets by which all chindogu must abide. My favorites are #1 and #2:

1. A Chindogu cannot be for real use.
2. A Chindogu must exist.
3. Inherent in every Chindogu is the spirit of anarchy.
4. Chindogu are tools for everyday life.
5. Chindogu are not for sale.
6. Humor must not be the sole reason for creating Chindogu.
7. Chindogu are not propaganda.
8. Chindogu are never taboo.
9. Chindogu cannot be patented.
10. Chindogu are without prejudice.

Check out this Chindogu-related site. And this one.