Buddy, The Prince of Providence

For the past month, I've been making modest excursions out in to the wild charms of my home state -- remembering what a quaint and insane little place I come from. Walking around the beautiful but unnervingly quiet and weirdly populated Downcity Arts district of Providence on Monday, I picked up a copy of the Providence Monthly. Gracing the cover of the magazine was the beloved and enigmatic talisman of the city: former Mayor Vincent "Buddy" Cianci, Jr.

The occasion for a giant, smiling Buddy in a tan suit and bright red boxing gloves jabbing at the Providence skyline? His imminent release from prison. Or more precisely, the federal penitentiary, having served due time on corruption charges, stemming from "Operation Plunder Dome."

And Rhode Island welcomes the convicted ex-mayor back, with open arms. Again. For the second time. (To be fair, the mood is more mixed this time -- but there is also more than enough adoration to go around).

In case you aren't familiar with one of the best politicians in America, a couple of quick, unsourced tidbits:

• "I'm not afraid of this. Ninety-seven times zero is zero" - the Mayor's reaction to the 97-page indictment in the Operation Plunder Dome case, in April 2001
• The secret of the "Mayor's Own Marinara Sauce," a well-regarded bottled pasta sauce, is in the carrots. Thus according to the Mayor, from prison. The sauce was widely available in Providence, and all of who proceeds go to local school charities. Sort of like Paul Newman, if Paul Newman were a mob-tied twice-convicted felon who singlehandedly resurrected a moribund Providence downtown.
• Once threatened to have Harry Connick Jr.'s stage manager "whacked."
• First jail term was for assault and kidnapping of a friend that he believed to be sleeping with his estranged wife. Buddy's driver testified against him, and some of the apocryphal stories of that fateful evening include Buddy beating his friend with a log from the fireplace, putting a cigarette out on his friend, and urinating on his friend.
• Buddy was re-elected as the Mayor of Providence as an Independent immediately after his release from prison.
• Buddy was the visionary and motivating force behind the revitalization of Providence's once-decrepit downtown. It's safe now. There is a waterway and a real gondola from Venice. Public art flourishes. Families bring their children out on summer nights.

What can you to prepare for the second coming of Buddy?

• Learn more about Buddy
• Befriend Buddy on MySpace
• Watch the Buddy Cianci musical or documentary film

Agent Zero: Gilbert Arenas

It has been many years since I've celebrated a professional athlete. Really, not since I was a kid. Athletes have become a different species - physically freakish, nurtured to megalomania, rich, boring, and stupid.

Gilbert Arenas is worthy of attention. He's a good basketball player. He's a bizarre person. Take a look at this Esquire interview from November, 2006, and follow-up on Deadspin.com [one of the best sports blogs around]. Choice passages excerpted below:

ENTRY 8: UNUSUAL SLEEPING RITUALS SUBJECT [interviewed while playing two-man Halo in his bedroom]: You can't see very good. I'll sit down on the floor if you want.

OBSERVER: No, I can tell you like to play on the bed. I'll stay here.

SUBJECT: I just started sleeping in this bed after three years. I used to sleep over there.

OBSERVER: Where? On the couch?

SUBJECT: Yeah. I trained myself to sleep on the couch.

OBSERVER: Why would you do that?

SUBJECT: You know.

OBSERVER: Not really.

SUBJECT: I don't like women all up on me, touching me. So I get up and go.

OBSERVER: Yeah?

SUBJECT: Then they get up and go. [Subject points to the video-game screen.] Stay there. Wait for me behind that door.

OBSERVER: What door?

SUBJECT [shaking his head]: I discovered that women don't like that much.

More:

ENTRY 13: CONSTRICTED DIETARY HABITS On the road, I eat hamburgers every day. The team tries to get me to eat differently, but no. Burgers, burgers, burgers. I like burgers. McDonald's burgers. Wendy's burgers. Burger King burgers. There's this one place in Canada—I even look at the schedule to find out when we play there—best burger I've ever tasted. Real soft and sweet. I ate twelve of them in one night.

A little more:

ENTRY 15: SELF-IMPOSED COMMUNICATION BARRIERS When I get a new cell phone, first thing I do is turn it off and call from my house phone and leave stupid little messages to myself. Like: "It's me." "It's me." "This is Gilbert." "It's me." "It's Gilbert." I just fill it up, so no one can leave messages. If you don't, you leave for an hour and thirteen people have called. So there are thirteen new messages you have to listen to and it's like, Oh, man. I don't feel like hearing people's stories. Most people love leaving messages that they don't want to tell you in person. So I cut that off.

And finally:

ENTRY 19: SUBJECT HAS AN IDEA FOR A SHOE COMMERCIAL You know how I always throw my jersey into the stands after a game? In Washington, they just go crazy for it. So in this commercial, that's what I'm gonna do with my shoes. I've just hit a game winner, and I throw these shoes. Everyone starts to react, and you see everything in slow motion. Everyone's pushing, shoving, doing whatever it takes to try to get to these shoes. People from the 400 level, they're jumping off the ledge, they're missing the pile, hitting nothing but chairs, and you can just see in people's faces like, Ooooh, that hurt. While all this stuff's going on, one of the shoes pops out of the crowd, and a little girl gets it and she takes off. A couple of people see she has it, and they start chasing her, and she's looking back running—and then she gets clotheslined by a kid in a wheelchair. So he picks the shoe up and says—he's gonna have the only line in there—"They said I couldn't get it. Heh. Impossible is nothing." And then he rolls off.

[via The Basketball Jones]